SON
I THINK IT'S TIME WE TALKED ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. NOW I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TROUBLED LATELY. LICE, ACNE, THE RUNS.
ITS ALL PART OF THE MAGIC OF GROWING UP, MY BOY. YOU NOTICE HOW GIRLS HAVE WEIRD IRREGULAR LUMPS UNDER THEIR SHIRTS NOW? THOSE ARE CALLED TITS. AND IN A FEW YEARS, THEY'LL BE WORTH LOOKING AT.
ALSO SON, YOU MIGHT NOTICE YOUR GETTING HAIR EVERYWHERE. PARTICULARLY ON YOUR CROTCH. WELL ITS THERE FOR A REASON. YOU SEE, WHEN YOU COME OF AGE, SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT GET A HAIR BEAR. THESE ARE CREATURES THAT LIVE IN YOUR PANTS. NOW YOU SEE, THEY FEAST ON PENISES. LUCKILY, OUR GOD WHO ART IN HEAVEN, CHARLES Q DARWIN, HAS BLESSED US WITH A BUSHEL OF HAIR. SO IF THAT HAIR BEAR SHOULD EVER GIVE YOU A SCARE, JUST HIDE YOUR JOHNSON IN THE HAIR DOWN THERE.
NOW SON, ANOTHER THING I NEED TO TEACH YOU ABOUT IS WHERE BABIES COME FROM. BABIES DON'T COME FROM TREES. THEY COME FROM CUM. ITS A KIND OF MUCUS THAT YOUR BODY MAKES. YOU SEE SON, WHEN YOU SEE A HOT PIECE OF WOMAN ASS YOU WISH TO BANG, YOU SIMPLY NEED TO WALK RIGHT UP AND DO IT. ITS OK TO DO IT IN PUBLIC. NOONE MINDS. AFTER ABOUT TWO YEARS, YOUR FEMALE FRIEND WILL POOP OUT A LARGE PULSATING SACK OF FLESH. WE CALL THIS "THE SPAWN"
YOUR SPAWN WILL NEED A PLACE TO GO INTO ITS PUPA FORM. SO MAKE SURE YOU FILL A BOX WITH SOCKS, COTTON, AND OTHER SOFT THINGS.
NOW SON. THIS ONLY WORKS WITH GIRLS. NOT MEN. IF I EVER CATCH YOU DOING IT WITH A MAN, I WILL BREAK YOUR GOD DAMN SKULL ON MY KNEE. AND DONT LET ME CATCH YOU PLAYING WITH THAT DARK BOY WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR AGAIN.
HE'LL GIVE YOU HERPES.
NOW TIGER, I GOT TO GO TO WORK
IF YOU NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE, JUST ASK YOUR MOTHER. MAKE SURE IT ISNT WHILE SHE'S PREPARING DINNER. I'D HATE TO THINK OF THE LEATHER INFERNO I'D HAVE TO UNLEASH IF I ARRIVED HOME ONLY TO FIND YOU ARE PREVENTING ME FROM INGESTING NUTRIENTS INTO MY STARVED CARCASS.

HAHAHAHAHHA

I'M ONLY KIDDING BILLY. NOW GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY. BUT NOT TOO HARD. YOU DONT WANT THE COMMIES TO HEAR YOU!